


Stuff My Turkey

by Im2Punk_RockForThis



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Robin (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Crack, Dress Up, Food, Humour, I Don't Even Know, M/M, complete and utter crack, did I mention this is crack, ridiculous pick up lines and puns, very brief mention of Lian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-08
Packaged: 2018-01-08 00:04:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1125968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im2Punk_RockForThis/pseuds/Im2Punk_RockForThis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I've been wondering since we made that bet, but, is nude with food your thing?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuff My Turkey

**Author's Note:**

> The first thing I write for this pairing and it turned into this....  
> No seriously, somebody tell what this is 'cause I don't even know....

　

 

 

In all honesty, Tim can't even remember what they were betting on. Knowing the two of them, it was probably something stupid. Still, he can't help the snort that escapes when Jason enters the room and leans against the doorframe to their bedroom wearing....wearing....

"Is-Is that a _women's tabasco sauce costume_?" Tim asks, lips twitching at the short, extremely tight, red dress with a generic logo printed in white on the front which is practically bursting at the seams on the other man's massive frame, along with the green plastic twist-nozzle cap that's set jauntily on jason's head, black and white tufts of hair peeking out.

"Well," Jason purrs, tripping slightly in the red heels that apparently go along with the costume as he makes his toward Tim and the bed. "You're the one who wanted to " _heat up_ " our sex life."

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

It's not until Tim looks up from some paperwork at around lunchtime that he sees Jason leaning against the doorframe of his office at Wayne Enterprises, wearing red strappy heels, a horrenduosly short (as in, so short that it's only covering half of his ass, short) white and red dress with a chinese take out logo in red on the front, comlete with a high, asian collar and boob window (currently showing pectoral muscle and dark chest hair), and a hat that somewhat resembles a fortune cookie.

"You know," Tim grits out, already mentally preparing himslef for the _looks_ he's going to get over this, and simultaneously wondering when Jason got there and how many photos have been leaked already. "That costume is incredibly _racist_ right?"

Jason grins as he enters the office, shutting and locking the door behind him, before sauntering over and straddling Tim's lap, pushing him back in his chair and already reaching for his tie. "C'mon Babe, I just-hnn," he mutters, grinning wickedly and rocking down slowly as he continues to remove Tim's jacket and shirt. "I just wanna slurp up your ramen noodle.."

 

 

Payback, Tim decides, is absolutely gonna be a bitch.

**********************************************************************************

 

 

Up until this very moment, Jason had forgotten just how vindictive Tim could _really_ be. Of fucking course he would choose the absolute worst possible time for payback, like the day Jason decides that he and Roy need to catch up and he invites him over for beer and pizza. Jason expects to kick back and watch a game or something, order a slice and crack a beer while he listens to Roy gush about Lian. He didn't expect to walk into his apartment, said red-head at his heels, and face the sight that is _Tim Drake draped over his goddamned couch and wearing a fucking bacon costume._ Bacon. Not even one of the ones with the black arms and legs, just the part that looks like a strip of bacon (complete with face hole) that hangs down to just above his knees, and obviously doensn't cover anything in the back.

"Hey boys. Wanna _sizzle my bacon_?"

Jason's vaugely aware of a sound that could only be properly described as "if a dinosaur and a whale had sex" coming from somewhere in his aparetment (he will never, ever, admit to it being him. It was totally Roy, okay?!) before he turns on his heel, shoves Roy out the door and locks it, before leaping onto the couch and pressing Tim down into the cushions.

 

 

**********************************************************************************

　

 

"Mmmm _, Peel my banana Babe_.." Jason mutters as Tim unzips the tight yellow dress, complete with two peeled back flaps at the top and a small brown stem at the bottom, head falling back as he palms his ass through the fabric.

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

"Aaah, shuck my corn! Shuck my _corn_!"Tim cries out as Jason pounds him from behind, hand moving up over the yellow kernel patteern and green husk pattern of the dress before tangling in his hair and pulling his head back.

　

 

 

*********************************************************************************

 

 

All it takes is another quick glance at the obsence bulge of Tim's head under the red felt and white M for Jason to go stiff and come. It's not until Tim's head has reappeared from under the M & M costume and he's managed to crawl up and plant kisses along his jaw that Jason manages to say, "So I guess you eat the red ones first."

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

In retrospect, Tim thinks, as he fucks Jason so hard the older man's practically whimpering behind his gag, and his handcuffs rattle and the bed creaks ominously, wearing a _Dick's Hard Salami_ costume (of which the lower half is currently rucked up his legs) wasn't exactly subtle.

　

 

 

**********************************************************************************

 

 

The odd rustling that accompanies the sound of his front door slamming shut doesn't bother Tim in the slightest, since he's been expecting his boyfriend to show up tonight, most likely in another weird outfit. At least, it doesn't bother him until he _actually turns around_ and see's Jason dressed up in a _full body suit of the main course at Thanksgiving dinner, complete with a face window_. A roasted turkey. His boyfriend expects to have sex with him dressed up as a _roasted turkey_ , with weird turkey arms and no head and....no. Just no.

"No." Tim glares, arms crossed. "I absolutely refuse to have sex with anything dressed like..." He waves his arm in Jason's general direction. "... _that_."

 

He can see the godawful smirk from behind the face window, even from across the room. "What, don't you wanna _stuff my turkey_ , Babybird?"

 

Tim narrows his eyes. "If you don't take that godawful outfit off _right now_ ," Jason's laughing so hard that his "wings" are wrapped around his middle and he's practically bent double. "I will withhold sex for the rest of the month. _That's two and a half weeks_ ,  Jay." Jason's now staring at him in horror from inside the turkey suit and Tim feels perfectly justified in his smugness. Until jason's got top half of the suit hanging around his waist, looks him in the eye, and says, "I've been wondering since we made that bet, but, is nude with food your thing? Or were you just really hungry and horny when you came up with the loser's penalty?"

**Author's Note:**

> I wish I were lying when I say that none of those costumes were made up, they are all real. Even the turkey one. Seriously, search them up on google.


End file.
